The Daily Plunge

A few days ago an unknown stranger emailed me at work from an internet café wanting to meet me in a couple of weeks. I had pretty much given up hoping she would return my last email. Today however I was pleasantly surprised to see an email from Natalia. She’s from Russia and it’s a pretty complicated situation. For the sake of convenience I am going to assume that this is a woman that wrote this, although I’m aware anyone could be behind this scam.The email today came from another email address; I can’t keep up with all of these. Here’s a brief part of what she wrote, it’s too long to post the entire thing.

The thing is that I will work in your country for three months or so and I would like to meet a nice man to fall in love or just be closest friends. I don’t want to live in Russia because I have not any chances here, it is hardly possible to explain from first time but I want you to know my plans. I will work in some clinic as a dentist or as an assistant (for the first time), the agency that i am going through will suggest me some locations. It will be my choice in the end as to what option to go for. This way I will be able to earn some money and pay for all my expenses. I can choose any city or town.

There are some absolutely priceless moments further on in the letter. For example she assures me that she doesn’t have “the looks of Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie but I really hope to meet my prince.” How can I not just fall in love with this kind of literature? Natalia sent me three pictures in all, at least they all look like the same person. I really wanted to impress her so I thought long and hard before I wrote back. Here are the fruits of my labor.

Thanks for writing Natalia. Since you took the time to write a little about yourself I thought I’d take a moment to tell you a few things about my life in the United States. I have a wonderful job as a municipal waste management supervisor. I know it sounds technical, so most people just call me the “garbage man.” In America, it is a title held with distinction and pride. I have worked as a “garbage man” now for four years and if I continue to work hard, I’ll advance to assistant waste facility manager in a few years.

I rent a small bedroom from an elderly woman. It’s small and occasionally I’ve had to put out rodents, but it’s home. The rent is low and Mrs. Ellensworth is nice to me. She really has an optimistic view of the world. Her husband tragically died of lead poisoning from the house, but she says it’s all fixed now.

I look forward to getting to know you better, and getting to meet you. You look pretty in your pictures, although it is difficult for me to see with these thick glasses.

Talk to you soon,

Michael

If she decides to write back I guess I’ll have to find a picture of a guy with thick glasses. The thought of my lucrative lifestyle will likely put an end to this love affair. Whatever happened to true love, or for richer or poorer? It’s a bad year for devotion.