The Daily Plunge

What happens when you get a bunch of people together with similar opinions? Well, you get this hysterical report on climate change. People all over the world can now read about the frightening development that humans are “very likely” the cause of global warming. This is a shift from the previous report that stated that humans “likely” causing the earth to become more inhabitable, I mean warmer.

Three participants said the group approved the term “very likely” in Thursday’s sessions. That means they agree that there is a 90 percent chance that global warming is caused by humans.

“That is a big move. I hope it is a powerful statement,” said Jan Pretel, head of the department of climate change at the Czech Hydrometeorological Institute.”I hope that policymakers will be quite convinced by this message,” said Riibeta Abeta, a delegate from the island nation Kiribati, which is worried about overrun by rising seas. “The purpose is to get them moving.”The last report, in 2001, said global warming was “likely” caused by human activity. There had been speculation that the participants might try to change the wording this time to “virtually certain,” which means a 99 percent chance.

This sounds like something written in the Onion and not in the Associated Depressed. The report pushes the debunked science about hurricanes, but when there’s groupthink like this, does it really matter? I’m not making this up, the report actually says it’s “more likely than not” that Global Warming is creating more hurricanes. The best part at the end of the article.

As the delegates hold their evening session, the Eiffel Tower, other Paris monuments and concerned citizens in several European countries were expected to switch off their lights for five minutes to call attention to energy conservation, heeding a call by French environmental campaigners.

Some experts said that while well-intentioned, turning the lights out could actually consume more energy than it would conserve by requiring a power spike when the lights turn back on — possibly causing brownouts or even blackouts.

This sums it all up. They’re so well intentioned. Al Gore might even get a Nobel Peace Prize for his “concern.” Who cares if there’s a problem, as long as we feel good about ourselves it doesn’t matter how many millions die because of bad policy.