Plunging Towards Gomorrah
Real Problems
There are a lot of problems in the world. None of the “problems” in this category are that important.
Real Problems: The Electoral College
Jul 19th
Toga, Toga, Toga!
Progressive lawmakers across the nation are trying to reform one of the biggest problems facing the United States. Yes, the electoral college. Twice in American history the person with the most votes has lost. Critics complain that our election system is too complicated. I complain that if you believe it’s too complicated you probably shouldn’t be allowed to vote. The electoral college exists for some clear historical reasons. It keeps states like California, New York, and Texas from bossing everyone around. Given all the problems in California and New York do we really want that mob deciding national elections?
The original electoral college wasn’t designed for a direct election. The only directly elected politicians were supposed to be the House of Representatives. Now we have a slightly different system today. However, I love the idea of Massachusetts giving their electoral votes to the popular vote winner. That would create all kinds of awesome possible election scenarios. Imagine if Obama loses the popular vote and has enough electoral votes, but Massachusetts gives their votes to the popular vote winner. There would be rioting in the streets.
Mel Gibson vs. Roman Polanski
Jul 12th
Two Oscar winning directors with some personal problems.
By now pretty much everyone has probably heard about Mel Gibson’s profanity-laced rant directed toward his former girlfriend. When an actor like Gibson has a meltdown like this (see: Alec Baldwin) it’s going to be big news. When the actor mixes in some racial epithets, it’s an even bigger story. In Hollywood pretty much everything is tolerated except racism. I’m not suggesting that people should scoff at racism, but look at how Roman Polanski has been treated by the Hollywood establishment compared to Mel Gibson.
I have written before about some of the unbelievable comments made by people like Whoopi Goldberg about the child rapist Roman Polanski. I have no problem with Mel Gibson being ostracized from pop culture forever, but what about people who think raping thirteen year old girls is no big deal? Say what you want about Gibson, but at least he’s not raping people (yet). Mel Gibson’s career is headed for a major setback and Polanski is free and Hollywood has his back.
Imagine you’re stuck in a life raft with two Oscar-winning directors. One is Roman Polanski and the other is Mel Gibson. The life raft is slowly taking in water and will only support two people. Someone has to get thrown overboard and it’s either Polanski or Gibson. There’s no clear choice based on age or weight. It comes down to personality. The rapist versus the racist.
The easiest way for me to decide in situations like this is, would I trust someone I love with that person? While racism is indeed unsightly and ignorant it’s not quite as invasive as rape. However, it appears that Gibson might be a little violent as well. It’s a tough call. However, as far as I’m concerned, Roman Polanski is a monster. It’s a difficult choice, but I’ll go with Mel Gibson. I just won’t bring up his love life or Jews and I should be fine.
Real Problems: The Plight of Ohio
Jul 9th
Now that LeBron James has left Ohio for the sunny shores of Miami Beach the fallout begins. The city of Cleveland and the state of Ohio are devastated that one of their own has left for greener (sandier) pastures. Should they be surprised? I moved to Sarasota, Florida six years ago and the most common transplant I encounter are people from Ohio. It’s like a mass exodus. Some of my best friends are people who left Ohio to move to the beautiful third-world banana republic village of Sarasota. Who can blame them? Would you rather go to Siesta Key or Dayton? It’s a no brainer. You never hear anyone say, “Wow! Cleveland is such a great place!”
I don’t want to rag on Cleveland, though I kinda just did (I forgot to mention Dennis Kucinich is a former mayor of Cleveland). I’m sure there are some great places there and I’m sure some people love the city. It’s obvious, though, that not everyone feels the same way. However, before anyone says what’s-his-face betrayed his hometown, what about all the people from Ohio that live in Florida? They still get excited about the Ohio State Buckeyes every time they get crushed by an SEC opponent in a bowl game. Are these transplants betraying their state by moving? If Ohio is so great why do people keep moving here? Maybe these people like the fact they don’t have to pay state income tax. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t snow here. Maybe Ohio just isn’t as nice as Florida.
Real Problems: Lebron James
Jul 7th
Congrats Lebron, you're this year's Brett Favre
With all the major problems facing the nation it’s nice to see Americans taking a break to watch the most important sports event of our time. No, I’m not talking about the World Cup. I’m talking about Lebron James. I think even Club Soda would agree that the World Cup is more fascinating to watch that this ridiculously over-hyped James saga.
It’s gotten to the point that ESPN is going to run an hour-long special at the behest of Lebron James so he can “announce” where he is playing. There’s over indulgent and then there’s Lebron James. Mr. James is 25 years old, and by everyone’s reckoning a pretty decent basketball player, but he’s never won anything significant. Is Lebron really worth his own variety hour on ESPN?
This is the most absurd television stunt since Geraldo Rivera unlocked the mystery of Al Capone’s vault in April, 1986. On that night over 30 million people tuned into see literally nothing happen. The only mystery after that event is why anyone paid attention to Geraldo after that debacle.
I take all that back. My guess is that Geraldo Rivera’s humiliation on TV is infinitely more entertaining than anything that will happen Thursday night. Lebron James will likely stay in Cleveland and all this will be over nothing. However, I hold out hope that James will retire from the NBA, start his own franchise in Hawaii, and as Thursday night’s variety hour begins Lebron sings “I got you babe.” A man can hope.
Real Problems: Illegal Immigrant Wages
Jun 21st
The White House says Arizona Senator Jon Kyle is a liar for claiming that President Obama is in favor of amnesty for illegal immigrants. It would be nice if the White House could be honest for once. Transparency is a goal this administration will never achieve. Now Obama’s Labor Department is worried about “fair wages” for illegal immigrants:
This is so idiotic I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, it’s illegal for companies to hire illegal immigrants. Shouldn’t we be more concerned that companies are hiring illegal immigrants? Personally, I’m not worried about the “exploited workers” since they moved here illegally and are obviously fine with being “exploited.” If I was an illegal immigrant the last thing I’m going to do is call the Federal government.
The nation is facing the worst recession is two decades and this administration seems more worried about illegal alien wages than about cracking down on illegal immigration. How does President Obama expect anyone to believe Senator Kyl is lying when the Labor Department is creating videos like that?
Update: Apparently Senator Kyl is backing off his remarks. It doesn’t change the content of this post, but it should be noted.
Real Problems: Baseball’s Katrina
Jun 3rd
Armando Galarraga lost a perfect game last night because umpire Jim Joyce made a mistake on the final out. Some might blame the umpire. Others might blame it on the fact that there’s no instant replay. Personally, I blame it on the federal government. How can they let this happen? What is Obama doing to prevent this from happening again?
President Obama should instruct the justice department to investigate Bud Selig and Major League Baseball. Someone has to pay for this travesty.
Real Problems: Hoping for Other Terrorists
May 4th
Sometimes I wonder about liberals. Why would anyone hope that the terrorist act in Times Square would be committed by a non-Islamic extremist? What difference does it make? Well, maybe I’ll never know the answer to that question. Here’s MSNBC’s Contessa Brewer’s deep thoughts on the arrest of Faisal Shahzad.
CONTESSA BREWER (7:06): I mean the thing is is that and I get frustrated and there was part of me that was hoping this was not going to be anybody with ties to any kind of Islamic country because there are a lot of people who want to use this terrorist intent to justify writing off people who believe in a certain way or come from certain countries or whose skin color is a certain way. I mean they use it as justification for really outdated bigotry.
When Brewer says “they” and “outdated” bigotry these are keywords for anyone who votes for non-Democratic candidates. What kind of cruel human being thinks about things like this? It’s disgusting and sadly it’s becoming par for the course for people on MSNBC.
If only the bomber could have been an angry white male tea party member. Then Brewer’s hopes wouldn’t have been dashed.
Real Problems: Conspiracy Theories
Apr 21st
Conspiracy theories drive me crazy. People who are convinced about conspiracy theories are impossible to argue with logically. You know the phrases: “Jet fuel doesn’t burn hot enough to burn steel.” You know the places: the grassy knoll. It might be because I’m the son of the conspiracy theory generation, but these theories are mindless. Unfortunately, they’re countless as well.
Disaster or Elaborate Conspiracy?
Take, for example, the fake Lee Harvey Oswald photograph. For those who don’t know, Lee Harvey Oswald assassinated President Kennedy by himself. There was no sinister conspiracy or cover-up. Oswald was a raving lunatic who happened to be a communist. The fact that there’s an alleged fake photograph of Oswald holding a gun doesn’t change the facts.
Imagine, if you will, the group of conspirators coming up with a way to kill President Kennedy. They left Kennedy’s vehicle choice in the hands of the President. Thankfully for the conspirators JFK insisted on riding in an open top limousine. However, the conspirators spent time doctoring Oswald’s photograph to frame him. If Oswald was framed why did he shoot Officer J. D. Tippit shortly after the assassination? Here I go, trying to use a logical argument to counter something illogical. For more logical arguments and a thorough debunking of the JFK conspiracy theories, check out Club Soda’s voluminous posts on this subject here and here.
At what point did every colossal event start having heinous puppeteers pulling the strings? Was the Titanic sank by an iceburg? Ice doesn’t tear titanium! What really caused the fire on the LZ 129 Hindenburg? There’s nothing wrong with questioning things, but sometimes accepting the most logical answer and moving on isn’t a bad idea either. Some people just don’t want to believe the story. There’s still a group of people that think President Obama was born in Kenya. Why would his family cover up where he was born? Does anyone truly believe that Obama’s Mom thought he could become President someday?
One drawback of the Information Age is that there’s a whole community of people who fuel this stuff. Of course these type of sites never get the “attention they deserve.” It’s not because there’s some sinister corporate conspiracy to block the truth, but because most of the stuff is crazy. One of my favorite TV shows during the ’90s was X-Files. What made it so great was the great conspiracy stories. That’s how conspiracies should be viewed. A farcical break from reality.
Beware of Google
Mar 19th
Here’s my paranoia post for the day. This one is from an Australian television program called Hungry Beast. This is way over the top, but now that global warming is on the wane we have to find something to worry about.
THE BEAST FILE: GOOGLE (‘HUNGRY BEAST’, ABC TV) from Hungry Beast on Vimeo.
Real Problems: Justin Bieber, Reboots, and 2.0
Mar 15th
16 year old Canadian Justin Bieber wears a dog tag because it’s apparently cool
I don’t know who Justin Bieber is, I wouldn’t know him if I ran into him at a Gamestop store, and it doesn’t really matter. Bieber fits perfectly into the David Cassidy pop circuit. There’s nothing wrong with that. The only reason I’m writing about Justin Bieber is because the title of his latest album reminds me of everything wrong with corporate marketing.
Bieber’s debut album was titled My World. What clever title did the brilliant marketers come up with for his second album release only one year after his debut? The answer: My World 2.0. They pulled this straight from the marketing jargon bin. Damn you marketing nonsense! Can we kill this trend once and for all? They might as well have called the album iBeiber, but I’m sure Apple would have sued them.
2.0 is the jargon that won’t go away. It cranked into high gear with the idea of Web 2.0. Now it seems like when every marketing department of ad agency runs out of ideas they trot out a 2.0 at the end of the product. There’s Classroom 2.0, Business 2.0, Gas 2.0, Green 2.0, Domino’s Pizza 2.0, Marketing 2.0… the list goes on and on and on. How about Originality 2.0? Instead of just beating a term to death why not come up with a new idea? Nowhere is this more prevalent than in the seemingly endless reboots of movies.
Movie reboots used to mean “remakes.” This kind of made sense. A movie made in 1938 could be remade because the audience wasn’t familiar with the story. A more cynical person might even argue that the modern audience isn’t even aware that the 1938 version of the film is far superior than the pale imitation. Unfortunately, it’s becoming common place to “remake”, or reboot, movies less than a decade old.
The last Spiderman movie came out in 2007, and there’s already a plan to “reboot” the franchise. I guess this kind of makes sense if the franchise is terrible (see: Batman and Robin), but the three recent Spiderman movies were very well received. Large corporations suffer from the same fate as all large bureaucracies. They’re unable to innovate, they’re stuck in the past, and they’re reluctant to change.
The main reason this type of marketing bothers me is because it’s lazy. Coming up with new ideas is difficult. Many times it’s just easy to slap on a My World 2.0 sticker and call it a day. It didn’t matter what Justin Bieber called his second album; it was always going to be a success. The title suggests that type of thinking is exactly behind the uninspired name.
