President Obama became Head Shark Jumper in January 2009. Congratulations!

Let’s face it. This whole “green” thing has officially jumped the shark and turned into an Urban Legend of mythic proportions. For instance, I have a friend who took issue with one of my posts and compared my indifference to Global Warming (or whatever it is depending on the current weather) to someone who wouldn’t do anything if an asteroid was on a collision course with the earth. The argument was a little more nuanced than that, but that was the crux of it.

This idea that climate change is leading to catastrophe and apocalypse is absurd. Why is it that Global Warmongers can never see the silver linings? Is warming catastrophic? Sure, if you live on Venus. But Venus is a greenhouse gone made because it’s so close to the sun, not because Venusians are drinking coffee from Styrofoam cups.

The truth is that a warmer earth is a friendlier earth. According to “scientists,” or at least those engaged in studying the history of climate change:

By 5000 to 3000 BC average global temperatures reached their maximum level during the Holocene and were 1 to 2 degrees Celsius warmer than they are today. Climatologists call this period the Climatic Optimum. During the Climatic Optimum, many of the Earth’s great ancient civilizations began and flourished. In Africa, the Nile River had three times its present volume, indicating a much larger tropical region.

Hmmmm. Let’s see… So an earth 1 to 2 degrees C warmer than it is today is called an “Optimum” by so-called climatologists. But according to Global Warmongers, an earth that warms will rain destruction on mankind and the various species which he (or she) shares with them. Can we at least wait until the earth reaches its Optimum before we regulate ourselves back to the Stone Age?

When environmentalists predict disaster, gird your loins and hold onto your wallet, because “environmentalism” is a penny-ante version of Liberation Theology (a.ka., Marxism). It is less science and more like religion. It has its holy days (Earth Day), its priesthood (scientists in search of grants) and its Apocalypse (climate change).

Like any religious cult, when they predict doomsday and it doesn’t happen they find an excuse and move on to the next doomsday prediction. In the past few decades we’ve had the Population Bomb (didn’t happen), the DDT scare (wasn’t true) and now Global Warming. But, of course, Global Warming is morphing into Climate Change, because how the hell can you argue against that? The climate changes all the time and always has! So there!

After all these years the environmental cult has found its magic bullet, a bullet so magic and so silver that it will take a million years to absolutely refute. By then, of course, we’ll live in a Utopian society in which most people live in grass huts and use unicycles for transportation.

Most environmental mythology takes just a few years to refute when the data comes in, but climate change is a moving data point that doesn’t end until the sun becomes a red giant and engulfs the earth in a super-heated hydrogen reactor.

In the meantime, American corporations have bought into this nonsense hook, line, bobber, sinker and bait. I have a friend in the sign industry who sent me photos of a large lighted sign, about 10 feet high by 20 feet long, he was servicing for a large corporation. The whole thing was lit with LEDs, many of which had failed. The corporation had specified LEDs because they’re touted as the “environmentally-friendly” solution since they use less power than neon or fluorescent and don’t require mercury.

Instead of actually looking into the technology and finding out what it works best for, some Corporate Schmo pulled the trigger on something about which he (or she) was totally uneducated. Because of the sheer size of the sign, neon would have lit it for about 15 times less in cost and any number of times more in energy efficiency. This Corporate Schmo was so blinded by being “green” that he (or she) did the exact opposite of what would have been best for the environment. Unfortunately, this is not the exception.

I know there's a Starbucks somewhere in Denver, but I don't think they noticed that if it wasn't for the city there wouldn't be any trees. The picture below shows what the Front Range looks like without a city. The Front Range, in case you're wondering, is the area where the Great Plains meet the Rocky Mountains.

Starbucks is my favorite example of corporate malfeasance when it comes to “green” BS. Starbucks not only perpetuates environmental mythology, but head fakes us in the wrong direction. Take, for instance, its recent promotion to save trees by giving a free cup of coffee to anyone who brought in a reusable mug on April 15. “One person can save trees,” says the Starbucks’ promotion, “together we can save forests.”

That’s all well and good, I suppose, but aren’t there more pressing needs than planting trees? As far as I know any problems we have with deforestation have nothing to do with the paper cups we’re using at Starbucks, or any other paper product. Once again, corporate America comes up with easy solutions, puts them in a pretty package, places the “environmental” feather in their cap and shouts it from the rooftops. Effective marketing, yes, but really making a difference for the environment? I don’t think so.

But it really doesn’t matter as long as Corporate Schmo thinks, a) it’s a great PR move, and b) maybe I’m doing my little part, but either way, it’s a great PR move. Let’s face it, Corporate Schmo doesn’t think much beyond A and B, much less all the way to Z. Too much brain damage and not pithy enough to reach Consumer Schmo effectively.

That’s why Corporate Schmo buys into the latest Urban (Forest?) Legends and jumps the shark with the environmentalist. It’s easy and he (or she) really doesn’t have to do much of anything except come up with a clever promotion and tagline.

That’s all positive reinforcement, but C. Schmo is also very aware of the negative reinforcement. If Schmo doesn’t play along, he’s likely to be painted as some kind of nouveau Nazi earth-killing Holocaust denier. The agents of “change” and “environmental awareness” are not content with spirited debate on the science or rationality of their topic.

They play to win and are ready to tar, feather, brand, hog tie, railroad, demonize, emblazon and stamp anyone who disagrees as, at best, an ignorant, heretical buffoon. It’s very much like the Catholic Church, circa 1500, except without the burning at the stake thing. But I’m sure if they could, they would, which is another good reason to make sure we don’t exchange our republic for a 21st Century equivalent of an Inquisition led by a scientist/environmentalist priesthood.

Update: C. Schmo strikes again, this time at Google. Read all about goats, grass and faux greenery at TechCrunch!

Update II: Climate Change! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Able to cause each and every natural disaster, even if the disaster is related to plate tectonics, like the volcano erupting in Iceland! It’s amazing! Get the full scoop on the latest shark jumping news at Watts Up With That?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4v1dO5YdYJo

THE BEAST FILE: GOOGLE (‘HUNGRY BEAST’, ABC TV) from Hungry Beast on Vimeo.

Iran’s telecommunications agency announced what it described as a permanent suspension of Google Inc.’s email services, saying a national email service for Iranian citizens would soon be rolled out.

It wasn’t clear late Wednesday what effect the order had on Gmail services in Iran, or even if Iran had implemented its new policy. Iranian officials have claimed technological advances in the past that they haven’t been able to execute

The ad only makes sense if it’s aimed at people who acknowledge the moral authority of the green police — people who may find those obligations tiresome and constraining on occasion, who only fitfully meet them, who may be annoyed by sticklers and naggers, but who recognize that living more sustainably is in fact the moral thing to do. This basically describes every guy I know.

In other words David Roberts is okay with a police state as long as it suits his political beliefs. This is the great thing about totalitarianism. Someone ultimately gets to be in control. Everything is cool until someone has a gun in your face telling you to stop emitting C02.

Anyway, the point of my post today is to discuss what I thought was the best advertisement last night during the Super Bowl.

Google’s Parisian Love ad is simple. Google’s service is simple. The ad told a story and the sole focus was the brand. From a marketing perspective it was perfect. Evidently Microsoft’s search decision engine Bing is slowly gaining traction. Google has never advertised like this before. Plus, the fact there was a Google ad and nothing for Apple must make someone unhappy.

I was eligible for an upgrade so I got the Motorola Droid for only $99. It costs an extra $30 a month for the data plan. I’ve only used the iPhone a little so I can’t really compare it to that device, but the Droid does pretty much everything I’d expect a smart phone to do. It syncs with my work and personal email accounts. I can tweet and follow tweets from the device (follow: DailyPlunge). It browses the web, gives turn by turn directions, and there are variety of different apps available. Basically every popular app I’ve ever heard of on the iPhone is available for the Droid.

The Droid uses Google’s Android OS which might spell doom for Microsoft’s phone OS. There are something like 50 phones coming out this year that use Android. Android is open, flexible, and easy to use. Overall I’m very happy with the phone. I can’t see a real reason for anyone to switch from the iPhone to the Droid; however, I can’t see why anyone would leave Verizon to get the iPhone when there’s now a comparable device available. The Droid is going to be a big hit for Motorola, Google, and Verizon.

Help Save the Polar Bears
My doodle for Google expresses how I want the world to pay attention to how Polar bears are on the verge of extinction and the great priorities we must take in order to stop this, such as stopping the increase in Global Warming.
Name: Alex Jordan
Age: 15
School: TAYLORVIEW JR HIGH
City, State: Idaho Falls, ID

Dear Alex Jordan,
I appreciate your passion for art but I’m less inclined to tolerate your uninformed and misguided beliefs about vicious Polar Bears and the theory of Global Warming. I see that you’re 15 years old, so I guess that you haven’t had a chance to learn that Polar Bears are, in fact, not on the “verge of extinction.” This isn’t your fault, really. If your only information about Polar Bears comes from the public school system and WWF commercials, then I can understand why you’re so concerned.
You will be very happy to know that the number of Polar Bears has been increasing for some time now (25% the past decade in Canada). Also, the amount of ice in the Arctic is within the average standard deviation. I’m sorry, given your public school background, that you probably don’t know what standard deviation is, though I’m quite sure you know all about condoms and that some people have two daddies. What I mean by “standard deviation” is that things are normal at the North Pole.
Also, you’ll be excited to learn that global temperatures have been trending cooler for the past decade. There hasn’t been any alarming shift in worldwide temperatures. I know that two years ago Nobel Prize winner and former Vice President Al Gore said the Arctic would be “ice free” in five years. Please don’t pay any attention to Gore; he was pro-life before he was pro-choice, pro-tobacco before he was anti-tobacco, and president before he wasn’t president. If history is any precedent, he’ll be a climate change skeptic before it’s all said and done.
If you’re looking for a new subject for your art I suggest a Google potato man. It would represent your state a lot better.
Sincerely,
Nemov