See what happens when you use words, particularly insensitive ones? Innocent people get hurt.
According to Democrats in the House and Senate, traditional media outlets, Chris Matthews and a host of other media watchdogs, the greatest threat to our national security is Words. Apparently, Republican leaders have been using words as a means of terror, inciting violence among the ignorant masses of the party’s electorate.
Since the passage of the health care reform bill – which will provide hassle-free and inexpensive medical care to every man, woman and child in America, Mexico and Nicaragua – there have been a rash of unsubstantiated attacks, slurs and threats made on our beloved saviors, Democratic lawmakers and the Chosen One himself, Barack Obama. Remember, the lack of any evidence is evidence that anything we believe, and therefore say, is true.
America’s elite in the media and the government have wisely decided to nip this virtual threat in the bud before it threatens to engulf the entire nation in a bloody civil war, or a hotly contested Scrabble game. So, if you’re considered right of center and oppose legislation like the health care reform bill, I’ve compiled the following All-New Handy Dandy List of Verboten Words. As you may recall, last year’s list was limited to two words: John Edwards. Since then, the political atmosphere has changed dramatically.
It is essential during out nation’s darkest hour that we refrain from using these words in speech, thought or written word since they may needlessly fan the flames of the pretend violence currently engulfing our once great nation: Aim, Ammunition, Army, Arrow, Attack, Barbed Wire, Bare, Batter, Battering Ram, Battle, Battleground, Bay of Pigs, Bear, Bomb, Bow, Brick, Budget, Campaign, Capitalism, Catapult, Chalk (a medium used to outline dead bodies), Charlie Rangel, Chop, Cigarette, Constitution, Crossfire, Crusade, Death, Debt, Deficit, Defense, Destroy, Election, Eric Massa, Explosion, Islam, First Amendment, Freedom, Gerrymander, Hanging (unless it’s attached to “Chad”), Harangue, Harass, Iran, John Edwards, Harpoon, Launch, Liberty, Maneuver, Masonry, Military, Militia, Mine, Minefield, Missile, Mohamed, Molotov Cocktail, Muslim, Muster, Mutually Assured Destruction, Nuclear (and especially Nuculer), Offense, Party (see Tea), Power, Re-arm, Re-district, Reload, Repeal (perhaps the most inciting of all these words), Republic, Rifle, Rock, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Second Amendment, Shoot, Shotgun, Sniper, String, Submarine, Superpower, Target, Tax, Tea, Threat, Throw, Torpedo, Transparency, Verizon, Wolf, Wussie.
As we get closer to the November elections, new words are sure to be added to the list. Check back regularly here at The Daily Plunge so you don’t accidentally speak, write or think any of the forbidden words. Let’s face it, life is so much easier when we simply allow others to think and act for us. I plan to spend the extra time finally mastering Mario Kart. Imagine all the people, winning every race. I hope someday you’ll join us…
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